There are many animals out there in the animal kingdom that should be receiving good hearty slaps on a daily basis. Of all the many animals that populate our world, there are 5 animals that I rank at the top who need a good, hard, cheek reddening slap. Why you ask? To show them who's boss of course!
#5 The goose
The goose is a real jerk. You take your kids to the local picnic grounds at a peaceful lake... and who shows up to ruin everything? The geese. Yup. Its the fat, white, obnoxious goose and his 25 honkin' buddies... all wanting bread. They totally don't deserve it, but being a goodhearted person, you've brought a loaf to share. So you give them bread... then you run out and what do they do? Are they grateful for your contribution? No! They're angry! Run!
#4 The Llama
I don't understand these guys. What are they exactly? Horse giraffes? And then when you see one, he gives you this look of sincerity that makes you want to pet them, until someone says "DON'T! He'll spit on you!" Llamas are deceiving! Don't be fooled by their flattering eyelashes!
#3 The mosquito
Those horrible summer nights... your trying to sleep... and the annoying zzzzzzzzz enters your ear. So you swish at your ear... only to hear zzzzzzzzzzz in your other ear... then they greedily drink your blood... you know, the liquid pumping through your veins that is essential to your life. Very rude indeed.
#2 The Three Toed Sloth
Do something with your life. You are a waste.
...and... the most annoying animal on the planet who should actually receive a slap every hour on the hour...
#1 The Chimpanzee
Conceited. They think they're so smart... Hey chimp... at least panzee isn't in my name... because that's what you are... a panzee. What kind of pride do you think you have thinking that you're all important because you can mimic us? Big deal. I can prove that chimps are nothing but stupidness. Get a chimp to play a game of copycat, do some jumping jacks, the chimp will copy. Jump up and down, the chimp will proudly copy you. Then get a toy gun and a real gun. Hand the chimp the real gun and take the toy gun, put the barrell against your head and pull the trigger. The chimp will proudly blow his brains out. That's right... stupid.
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