The Pool

When we were kids we had a friend who lived a couple houses down from us who had a pool.  Having access to a pool during summer break was a kid's dream come true.  No crowds, no costs, just sun and fun.

Even though the deep end was only 8 feet deep, you always felt like an accomplished deep sea diver if you could touch the bottom.

And you were even more of a badass if you could swim from one end of the pool to the other without coming up for air.

There were the endless games of Marco Polo...

...and super straw fights...

...but nothing tops the list of pool awesomeness as the diving board.

The diving board served as the stage for the main event of super jump tricks. The object of the game was to out-do your friends by coming up with the most unique, acrobatic, death defying, trick jump. 

It was almost as if you were expecting a scout from the PDBTJA (Professional Diving Board Trick Jumper's Association) to pop out from behind a tree and say:

I'm sure we thought that the jumps we were performing were never to be matched masterpieces... even though at least 75 percent of the time your body would be parallel with the water right before you hit, leaving you helplessly knowing in that split second you were about to have a stinging blood-red belly or back when you came back up for air.

Yes... they were good times. Good times indeed.

5 Animals That Should Receive Slaps Daily

There are many animals out there in the animal kingdom that should be receiving good hearty slaps on a daily basis.  Of all the many animals that populate our world, there are 5 animals that I rank at the top who need a good, hard, cheek reddening slap. Why you ask?  To show them who's boss of course!


#5 The goose



The goose is a real jerk.  You take your kids to the local picnic grounds at a peaceful lake... and who shows up to ruin everything? The geese. Yup. Its the fat, white, obnoxious goose and his 25 honkin' buddies... all wanting bread. They totally don't deserve it, but being a goodhearted person, you've brought a loaf to share. So you give them bread... then you run out and what do they do? Are they grateful for your contribution? No! They're angry! Run!

 

#4 The Llama

I don't understand these guys.  What are they exactly? Horse giraffes?  And then when you see one, he gives you this look of sincerity that makes you want to pet them, until someone says "DON'T! He'll spit on you!" Llamas are deceiving!  Don't be fooled by their flattering eyelashes!

 #3 The mosquito

Those horrible summer nights... your trying to sleep... and the annoying zzzzzzzzz enters your ear.  So you swish at your ear... only to hear zzzzzzzzzzz in your other ear... then they greedily drink your blood... you know, the liquid pumping through your veins that is essential to your life. Very rude indeed.


#2 The Three Toed Sloth

Do something with your life.  You are a waste.


...and... the most annoying animal on the planet who should actually receive a slap every hour on the hour...


#1 The Chimpanzee

Conceited. They think they're so smart... Hey chimp... at least panzee isn't in my name... because that's what you are... a panzee.  What kind of pride do you think you have thinking that you're all important because you can mimic us?  Big deal.  I can prove that chimps are nothing but stupidness.  Get a chimp to play a game of copycat, do some jumping jacks, the chimp will copy.  Jump up and down, the chimp will proudly copy you.  Then get a toy gun and a real gun.  Hand the chimp the real gun and take the toy gun, put the barrell against your head and pull the trigger.  The chimp will proudly blow his brains out.  That's right... stupid.